The top ten things I'd like for christmas

10. Hair - growing where it should
9. No Hair - growing where it shouldn't
8. Trump to lose the worst comb-over in modern history
7. To knock the shit eatin' grin off of Rumsfeld
6. The Democratic Party to grow some balls before it's too late
5. Healthy, nutrious Beer
4. Never to see another image of Viktor Yushchenko until the green is gone, poor bastard
3. Bill Gates' couch cushion change
2. A professional hockey league

and the number one thing I'd like for Christmas
Peace on Earth, Good will towards men, and a 50 million dollar bankroll