Help for small businesses

My old friend, Mr. Beemis was trying to find some answers to his pig farming start up - but to no avail. He sent this query off but received no response. We reprint here his call to Miller Manufacturing, a maker of various livestock products.

From: "J. Beemis Weismuller"
Subject: cattle prod effectiveness
To: rthelemann@miller-mfg.com

Hi Roger!

I have recently started an at home Pork business and
was wondering if your product would help.

I have a spacious 2 bedroom apartment, one of the
bedrooms is dedicated to getting my business going -
it serves as the Porcine Ranch. Anyway, one of the
problems I've been having is the smell. I've put in
two kiddie pools, you know, the kind you can get at
Walmarket - one is for water and the other has a load
of kitty litter. One of my consultants told me this
was the way to go.

Well, the pigs just refuse to climb into that litter
pool when mother nature calls - so as a resut the shag
carpet in there is riddled with urine and feces. I
thought I could handle the stink, but it's getting out
of hand.

So, my consultant told me to train them to use the
litter, and I should get a Pig Prod. He explained this
is an electrical device to zap the pigs. I checked out
your website and saw a lot of cattle prods...so I told
him that I would buy one of those - but he said I
shouldn't.

Here's why, he says that the cattle prod emits an
electrical charge that is the exact frequency of the
Cattle's nervous system - which is why it works. He
said that Pigs have a different frequency and the
Cattle prods would be ineffective.

So, here's my question. Do you sell an adjustable
frequency, phase and polarity control for your cattle
prods? Or can I go to Radio Shack to get this kind of
thing? Are there any special crystals I would need to
adjust? My consultant says that I may need to get
in-phase crystals for Pigs...do you sell them?

Also, I noticed you list the street prices for your
stuff - is this illegal or something? I don't like
going on the street to make my purchases - though I
have to for a few items (I think you probably know
what I mean).

Red, white and true,

J. Beemis Weismuller