Scrapple Chronicles

Hey, ever heard of scrapple? Is it a new hip-hop band? iPod knock-off? New designer drug? deadly disease? --- well, close!

Scrapple is, according to wikipedia a cornmeal pudding in which the cornmeal, perhaps with the addition of buckwheat, is simmered with pork scraps and trimmings, then cooled and hardened into a loaf.

Three things to note here. First, it's a food that, yes, humans consume. Second, it contains pork scraps, more on that in a moment. Third, the word scrapple contains the word "crap" - rule of thumb here, if a food stuff you wish to consume contains a word that is used to describe feces, it's probably a good idea not to eat it. Why? Well...

Let's examine those pork scraps. Again, courtesy of wikipedia, scrapple typically contains the meaty parts of hog heads, hearts, some liver, and other scraps, (yikes, "other"). And if there's any questions left, scrapple is affectionately known to be composed of "everything but the squeal". Yep - lips, snouts, ears, sphincters, balls, penises, etc.

Now, this could be enough, but, there's more. I've got this friend who likes to share his correspondence with me - and he's the one who put me onto this whole scrapple thing. He shares lots of his correspondence with me, which you'll find more about in the future - anyway, he's agreed to allow me to share it with you, here's one gem, on the topic of scrapple, he's shared.

His email

"J. Beemis Weismuller" j_beemis@yahoo.com
Subject: I love your meat!
To: askarnold@arnolds-sausage.com

Hi Mr. Arnold,

I saw your web site and boy is my mouth watering. What
I'd like to know, what meat parts are included in
Scrapple, and, maybe more importantly, what meat parts
are good enough to go in scrapple? Are those the ones
in hot dogs?

Red, white and true

J. Beemis

Now, he sent this off to the Arnolds Sausage Co., makers of various meat type products.

Now, here's their actual response;

From: sales6@arnolds-sausage.com
To: j_beemis@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Scrapple
Date: Wed, 31 Aug 2005 12:25:21 -0500

Good Afternoon,
Thank you for your recent inquiry. Our ingredient statement on our
pork scrapple reads as follows:

Ingredients: Water, Pork with skin, Corn Meal, Pork Livers, Pork Skins,
Pork Tongues, Pork Hearts, Flour, Salt, Onions, Spices.

Somewhat different than the ingredients in hot dogs. But if you like
scrapple, it's the real thing. Hope you find this information helpful.

Cheryl Pepe / Sales Support

Skins, tongues and hearts...that's gotta be good for you. Arnold's must be doing well with their srapple business, (I imagine product costs must be pretty low), since they've got a Sales Support department and all. Processed meats must pay big.

Anyway, you've just experienced part 1 of the Scrapple Chronicles, sick yet?

Shit Be Gone

I nearly fell off the chair when I found this website - selling this product.

ShitBeGone

Where they proudly proclaim;

"ShitBegone toilet paper is a quality product that exemplifies your attitude and approach to life. "

How did they know? It's like they really, truly know me.

"Part journey of discovery, part assertion of responsibility, part embrace of life, ShitBegone expresses hope and belief that a better world is possible."

Man, it's like Ghandi works there or something. Now, they go on to praise their product, describing how to properly use the paper for wiping, something I find almost scientific in its description. And, of course, it's all recycled paper, or as they say;

"(Who but a true asshole, would sell something that was made of 100% fresh ground up forests— more expensive than necessary— and engineered to encourage overuse? That's corporate America for you...)"

That's an advertising tag line you can really enjoy.

But, I think they are missing a huge opportunity, imagine if you will, you are in a big meeting, or talking with your lawyer, or discussing the price of a new car with a salesperson, and, you plunk down one of these babies - and tell the folks, let's cut the crap...I think they could be sitting on a gold mine!

Posting doldrums

Sorry I've been in the posting doldrums...I just haven't had the bandwidth to contribute here.

The good news is that I have many irons in the fire, however, none have panned out as of yet (maybe I should rant about over use, misuse and abuse of the cliche?).

Ok, that being said, here are a couple of small items I'd like to blow off steam about.

1. President of the USA says that "jury is still out on evolution" - meaning that creationism is still a "valid" theory. I don't know about anyone else, but I find this really scary. Here's the guy in charge of our military, who's got his finger on the button to launch the nukes, and he supposedly got an education at Yale...and yet, all I can say is Yikes!

2. Democrats - still no balls. Even Gary Hart had the courage to author an essay to call on leaders to step up in the Democratic party...but, again, he's not leading, just hoping someone else will...Jackass seems all the more fitting for these folks, it's a real shame.

3. What's the office pool like for NHL attendance, down 10%, 20%, 100% - I wonder if the fans will return...MLB, are you watching?

4. At what price per gallon will you stop driving? How high will it go? Will the horse and buggy make a come back? Maybe Apple will make us all happy and carefree with the iCar - just power up by plugging into your USB, drives itself - though it would look weird if we all had smooth, white apple-mobiles.

5. Can somebody please kill the Vehix TV ads? Let's go back to the less annoying fat guy in Monitor suit, ok? Please?

Bye for now.